When diagnosis rewrites the story, pt1.

The Problem

You’re managing someone you’ve worked with for months—maybe years. The relationship has had its ups and downs, but overall, it’s been solid. And then something changes. They get a diagnosis: ADHD. Autism. Possibly both. What follows can feel confusing, unsettling, even a little hurtful.

They withdraw. They’re less communicative. The trust seems fractured. You're left wondering what happened. Why does it suddenly feel like you’ve become the villain in their story?

This is a very real experience. And it’s more common than you might think.

In our training sessions with managers and HR leaders, we’ve heard the same story play out again and again. A team member receives a late diagnosis of ADHD or autism and, almost overnight, the emotional tone of the working relationship changes. Some managers feel shut out. Others feel blamed. Many feel lost.

The knee-jerk reaction might be defensiveness—“But I didn’t do anything wrong.” Or worry—“What if they lodge a complaint?” Or guilt—“Should I have noticed something sooner?”

But none of those reactions actually help the manager or the employee move forward. What’s needed first is understanding.

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This shift doesn’t happen because the manager has failed. It happens because the employee’s understanding of their past has changed. That diagnosis unlocks a different interpretation of every deadline missed, every meeting meltdown, every comment that once seemed like “just a joke.”

In that reprocessing, many employees realise: they were struggling—sometimes silently—and they were misunderstood. Or judged. Or unsupported. And now, in the post-diagnosis emotional fallout, they’re trying to make sense of that. Often that means creating emotional distance from anyone associated with the “before”—including you.

It’s not personal. But it feels personal. And that’s where the real challenge lies.

This dynamic has been largely ignored in workplace guidance around neurodiversity. There’s plenty of material on reasonable adjustments and legal duties. There’s very little on what to do when the emotional centre of a working relationship shifts suddenly—when trust feels like it’s been pulled out from under you.

That’s why we built this course.

We wanted to create space for managers to explore what this shift means, how it shows up, and what can be done—not to “fix” someone’s emotional process, but to lead with compassion, confidence, and clarity.

You’ll hear from real managers. Real employees. You’ll learn why that shift occurs—and how to become part of the next chapter, not a character trapped in a painful retelling of the last one.

Because while it’s true that a diagnosis can rewrite the story, that doesn’t mean the relationship has to end. It just means the story needs a new chapter—one you help co-author, with care.