Understanding the Emotional Impact of Late ADHD and Autism Diagnoses
- Matt Gupwell
- May 22
- 3 min read
Updated: Aug 8
The Emotional Earthquake of Diagnosis
When someone receives a late diagnosis of ADHD or autism, it can feel like an emotional earthquake. This moment often unearths years of struggle, misunderstanding, and missed support. For the individual, it’s a time of profound re-evaluation. For those around them—especially their manager—it can lead to sudden and surprising relational changes.
So, why does this happen? Why does a diagnosis lead some people to pull away, become distant, or even seem hostile towards those who have supported them?
The answer lies in a complex mix of psychology, identity, and emotional processing. Here are five key mechanisms at play:
1. Emotional Reframing
Once someone receives a diagnosis, they begin to see their past through a new lens. That meltdown in the team meeting? It wasn’t a character flaw—it was sensory overload. The missed deadlines? Not laziness, but executive dysfunction.
This reframing often brings a deep sense of grief. And where there’s grief, there’s often blame.
2. Retrospective Anger and Loss
With insight comes the realisation: “I was struggling, and nobody noticed.” This realisation can trigger a wave of anger—not necessarily directed at specific people, but at the systems, environments, and interactions that failed to support them. Unfortunately, managers often represent those systems.
3. Shift in Group Identity
Post-diagnosis, many individuals begin to identify more strongly with neurodivergent peers. They may feel less connected to previous professional or social circles. Managers—especially those who don’t share that lived experience—can suddenly feel “other,” even if they’ve been kind and supportive all along.
4. Cognitive Dissonance
There’s often a conflict between “I’ve always liked my manager” and “they were part of an environment that didn’t support me.” To resolve this, the brain may tip toward rewriting the narrative: “Maybe they weren’t that supportive after all.” While this may not be accurate, it feels emotionally safer.
5. Affinity Bias in Reverse
Ironically, the same bias that leads us to trust people who are like us can also cause us to distrust those who no longer feel like part of our emotional in-group. After a diagnosis, some employees may feel closer to influencers or support communities than to their employer. It’s not that they’ve forgotten your support; it’s that their emotional centre has shifted.
Understanding these mechanisms doesn’t mean tolerating hostility or stepping back. It means responding with empathy, perspective, and boundaries.
Navigating the Shift: A Manager's Guide
That’s why the second part of our course walks managers through these psychological shifts—clearly, calmly, and without judgement. When you understand why this shift happens, you’re no longer stuck reacting to it. You’re equipped to meet it head-on—with curiosity, not confusion.
The Importance of Understanding
Diagnosis isn’t just a medical label—it’s a personal reframe. A new story. And like any good story, it comes with conflict, evolution, and emotional depth.
When you understand the story, you’re no longer a character someone’s pushing away. You’re part of the plotline that helps move things forward.
Building a Supportive Environment
Creating an inclusive and psychologically safe workplace is essential. It’s not just about understanding the individual’s experience; it’s about fostering an environment where everyone feels valued. This can lead to cultural change and business success.
Practical Steps for Managers
Listen Actively: Make space for open conversations. Allow individuals to express their feelings and experiences without judgement.
Educate Yourself: Familiarise yourself with neurodiversity. Understanding the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals can help you provide better support.
Encourage Open Dialogue: Create opportunities for team members to share their experiences. This can foster a sense of belonging and understanding.
Be Patient: Change takes time. Allow individuals the space to process their diagnosis and its implications.
Seek Feedback: Regularly ask for feedback on how you can improve support for neurodivergent individuals in your team.
To book your place on this brand new course, click the button below:
Conclusion: Embracing the Journey
Navigating the emotional landscape of late diagnoses is challenging. However, with understanding and empathy, we can create spaces where neurodivergent individuals thrive. By embracing this journey together, we can foster a culture of inclusivity and support that benefits everyone.
Comments